March 2012
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation. It's for procreation.
Woman: But it can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
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mothercheesus:
press play and watch...
Michael Jackson: Annie are you okay
Michael Jackson: Annie are you okay
Michael Jackson: Annie are you okay
Michael Jackson: Annie are you okay
Michael Jackson: Annie are you okay
Annie: I'm fi-
Michael Jackson: ARE YOU OKAY ANNIE
WatchOh my GOD
EVERYBODY WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW
dude, where's my czar?
adamusprime:
the gripping tale of russia’s struggle after the abdication of czar nicholas ii
February 2012
aintasuperhero:
nehzoomey:
how do 90% of people on tumblr even go outside without being offended by a blade of grass or something
some people don’t have grass where they live, check ur privilege
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Some kid I know, posted this on facebook today:
“Haha at every girl complaining that she can’t find a nice guy but always talks about hooking up.”
I find this rather hilarious, considering the fact that when he came to Orlando to visit, all he did was complain that he can’t seem to find a nice girl and then continued to tell me about the people he’s hooked up...
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I have to be awake in an hour. Couldn’t sleep. I haven’t slept since Sunday night/ Monday morning. Passed the 36 hour mark a while back. Today would be a majorly hectic day as well. Fuck.
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“Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into...”
– Barack Obama (via billkahler)
Shut up, I'm bored and I can't sleep.
Cross off the things you’ve done.
Graduated high school.
Kissed someone.
Collected something really stupid.
Smoked a cigarette.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time without sleep.
Lied to someone.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
...
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I’ve been awake for well over 24 hours now, so why can’t I fall asleep?
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Anonymous asked: What is your religious belief?
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Watchjoshishollywood:
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I have an algebra exam in just under an hour. MAYDAY. MAYDAY. SOS. SEND A GIFTED MATHEMATICIAN.
I actually like the icon changes for the different posts. It looks really clean, and just nice. Doesn’t change the fact that I was completely confused when I first saw them lol.
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I really need a haircut.
redsuspenders:
santorum’s 5-step plan for success:
ban abortion
ban contraception
ban premarital sex
ban masturbation
ban women
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Couldn’t sleep last night. My stomach is still doing somersaults. I have a math exam at 3 that I have to get an A on. I have to finish my annotated bibliography for my comp class. I have to start my framing synthesis for my comp class. I need to find a way to motivate myself. I need coffee.